The Rubbish We've Been Handed

My brother will accept anything you hand him.

It’s a silly quirk that his best friend decided to fully test one day.

Throughout the day he’d randomly hand my brother bizarre items - a bottle cap, loose screw, empty gum wrapper, a pebble, paper clip, crumpled paper, change from lunch… And one by one, my brother would unknowingly accept and pocket the item. By the end of the day, he was bewildered to find his pockets heavily loaded with rubbish he was handed.

I think many of us can relate.

Throughout our lives, our weeks, our days, people hand us rubbish - in the form of judgements and shame.

We take each one and pocket them over time. Each, just innocuous enough that we tell ourselves it isn’t a big deal, we’ll get over it, they didn’t mean it - and we pocket it. What if they did mean it? What if that is true?

Our Ego  adds our own rubbish to our pockets, our own shame messages around our feelings, our thoughts, our behaviors. We fail to notice the weights we are carrying around in our proverbial pockets. We are bewildered that we have this burden walking around with us.

Sort Out Your Pockets

What rubbish have you collected this week?

Did someone (including yourself) tell you:

you weren’t enough…

or maybe you’re too much…

or you didn’t fit in…

that you couldn’t be successful?

Messages that carry shame aren't for you. And they aren't yours to carry. When you spot a shame message, name it. Get curious with it. And remember - our thoughts are not facts. We get to choose which thoughts stay, and which thoughts need cleared out.

Throw Out the Garbage Messages

The only antidote to carrying the burden is to empty our pockets. Take a hard look at what’s in there. Throw out the garbage messages, and only keep the ones that help us grow. You might need help sorting through the messages. Talk to a trusted partner, a coach, or a therapist about the messages that are holding you back. If the shame messages you are carrying are making you depressed, anxious or otherwise unsure of how to go on, please seek support today by calling 988 or finding a therapist near you. There is no shame in asking for help, and the world needs your unique gifts and experiences.

Fill Your Pockets With Hope

The thing about having full pockets, is that eventually there is no room for adding garbage. Fill your proverbial pockets with hope messages, with truth about who you are, what you love and who you are meant to be. Start small. Do you love chocolate or the sound of rain on the roof of the car? The smell of puppy paws or the bright yellow of daffodils? What moments in your life fill you with joy? What difficult moments have you made it through before, and what got you through them?



Only in noticing, in being fully present with ourselves, can we choose which things we accept as valuable to add to our pocket, and which are not ours to carry.